Broken Homes
The past few girls have been good to me, but I’ve told them that a relationship isn’t for me because its Painting over everything. Truth to that, but ive now learnt it wasn’t the whole story. I’ve never seen a relationship or marriage work out, so I question my own worthiness.
But damn, can I really blame myself?
In my family, any type of male model all the way up to the the leaders—the Chief title holders and those with a Pe’a—were the same ones who were beating, raping, cheating on our women and creating broken homes. Because of this, those titles have never meant shit to me. It makes sense, every time us cousins converse, I seem to learn about a new half-cousin, half-sibling, or half-uncle. This has been passed down to my own generation, yeahhh shiii, infidelity got handed down with conviction.
Not only have these childhood experiences made be doubt my ability to maintain or work through a healthy relationship, It also made me avoid considering our own Polynesian women as partners because of the painful memories tied to my past.
Not only this, but the struggle of seeking the white mans approval, made me value white women over our own Polynesian queens. Couldn’t believe this shit….And understanding that marriage can be a key to building wealth, why would I/we not prioritize Polynesian women? I’ve really been conditioned to go against my own, huh.
I’m full Samoan, so I feel an obligation to keep my culture alive through my bloodline. Every time I look around, I see fewer Polynesian couples. I hope that those who aren’t with Polynesian partners didn’t make that choice because they look down on our own.
I hope im overthinking some of this, but until I figure it out, damnnn it's still me asking for a table for one. I need to get back to therapy—or better yet, visit the Motherland 🇼🇸 for the first time to seek wisdom and guidance cause at this point, im about to go kick it with the Monks and learn their ways, learn how to Air bend or some shit, otherwise, lock me up in the Castle with Edwards Scissorhands ill paint up there away from all this shit.
Broken Homes
The past few girls have been good to me, but I’ve told them that a relationship isn’t for me because its Painting over everything. Truth to that, but ive now learnt it wasn’t the whole story. I’ve never seen a relationship or marriage work out, so I question my own worthiness.
But damn, can I really blame myself?
In my family, any type of male model all the way up to the the leaders—the Chief title holders and those with a Pe’a—were the same ones who were beating, raping, cheating on our women and creating broken homes. Because of this, those titles have never meant shit to me. It makes sense, every time us cousins converse, I seem to learn about a new half-cousin, half-sibling, or half-uncle. This has been passed down to my own generation, yeahhh shiii, infidelity got handed down with conviction.
Not only have these childhood experiences made be doubt my ability to maintain or work through a healthy relationship, It also made me avoid considering our own Polynesian women as partners because of the painful memories tied to my past.
Not only this, but the struggle of seeking the white mans approval, made me value white women over our own Polynesian queens. Couldn’t believe this shit….And understanding that marriage can be a key to building wealth, why would I/we not prioritize Polynesian women? I’ve really been conditioned to go against my own, huh.
I’m full Samoan, so I feel an obligation to keep my culture alive through my bloodline. Every time I look around, I see fewer Polynesian couples. I hope that those who aren’t with Polynesian partners didn’t make that choice because they look down on our own.
I hope im overthinking some of this, but until I figure it out, damnnn it's still me asking for a table for one. I need to get back to therapy—or better yet, visit the Motherland 🇼🇸 for the first time to seek wisdom and guidance cause at this point, im about to go kick it with the Monks and learn their ways, learn how to Air bend or some shit, otherwise, lock me up in the Castle with Edwards Scissorhands ill paint up there away from all this shit.