When I go back to hang with my family, which is unfortunately rare these days, I get to see all my cousins who I grew up with, we were very close. I see my Cousins with their kids now. Seeing them now I think to myself damnnnn, we all grew up so close and I dont even know your kids names? I dont know what you been upto lately? I dont know whereabouts you living now?

Seeing Instagram stories of their lives playing out, birthdays and special occasions where only select few receive invitations. Cant lie, all this trips me out everytime i open this damn app.

I aint one to talk cause im living on the other side of town, barely tapping in feeling guilty as hell. My aunty lives a stressful life so she could never put the cigarettes down, now my cousin smokes in front of his child and I can’t speak up to say otherwise, like who am i to speak like i been around huh

I know as we get older, responsibilities come with that so understandably we may not have the time like we use to. But I dont think we were all supposed to be this distant from each other. I know my grandfather and mother were keys to keeping the family together but since they gone, it aint ever been the same.

Feeling so fake going back to family gatherings its crazy, fake cause i feel like im supposed to know whats been happening with the family, but i don’t. Like im wearing a mask or something tryna act like we been around eachother, and me giving a few hello’s and small talks at this rare family gathering is enough, knowing damn well I walk away with guilt everytime